30 April 2020

Day 100 000 000 of lockdown….it feels like.

Level 4 lockdown starts tomorrow, Friday the 1st of May. There’s a long document with all the stipulations of how exactly things will work and change. What I understand of it, is that I can go for a run outside my gate.

I use to run-walk, probably about three years ago, but in this last week alone I’ve run-walked more than 20km. That’s a lot for me….who haven’t ran in over two years. It’s given me a space to think and process and it’s also been a very physical tool to draw my attention and feelings and emotions and physical awareness, back to that very point of existence. In short, it has grounded me to the present…which is something I really need in my life right now.

It’s also been a fun activity for my kids. They sit on the steps eating Otees while cheering me on. Then, they get up, run a few laps with me, play catch, sit back down and look at me. I love that they learn to be active through playing.

So, getting back to today. Today has been a day of work, and play, lots of tears as we realise how much we miss our friends and normality of daily life as we know it. It’s been a day of catching up with colleagues, working some more, building puzzles, running outside, listening to how the next phase of my job will be implemented, playing cards, some more tears, cooking butternut soup, super chicken wraps for supper, kids falling asleep before bath-time, a movie, and reflection. All in all a very full and emotionally draining day. But, it has been wonderful.

I get to live and breathe through emotions and thoughts that are not always happy. I get to hold my girls while they are crying, I get to process so many things, and more and more I get to realise how reliant I am on God. This season is really hard, really draining, really deep, but I’m starting to feel a hint of His peace in this tumble dryer spin. I am thankful for His nearness in my weakness…

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