Diaries of a Mom

  • 1 July 1 July

    New month. New theme. New challenges.

    My kids, 2 and 4, are going back to school on the 6th. Needless to say, I am a little nervous and unsure of how exactly this is going to pan out. I know that I won’t know until they get there, but I’m just uncertain about so many things.

    I know that it will be great for them to see their teachers and especially their friends. But, I don’t know what the effect of the new way of school will have on them. And, I won’t know until we are there.

    I have learned (and honestly am still learning) of what it means to let go. To let go of almost everything, because everything is out of my control and can change at a heartbeat. A part of me LOVES the unpredictability of it all, and a part of me (especially the mom heart that wants to protect my kids as best as I can) hates it. Because, I honestly don’t know what exactly to prepare them for…

    For now, I’m realising the importance of unconditional love. To teach them to voice their emotions, as much as they can, and to let them live in and through the rest of it. It’s a learning curve for all of us.

    As long as we are present, and really there for each other, the foundation is solid and we allow those around us to live and breathe through the uncertainties that engulf them.

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    Continue reading → New month. New theme. New challenges. My kids, 2 and 4, are going back to school on the 6th. Needless to say, I am a little nervous and unsure of how exactly this is going to pan out. I know that I won’t know until they get there, but I’m just uncertain ...
  • 22 June 22 June

    When you get caught up in the business of the day, it is often very difficult to switch off. Yes, I know it’s only Monday, but I really am a strong advocate for taking short breaks during the day.

    The problem, for me (I’m sure that no-one else struggles with this), is that once I start working and functioning in work-mode, it’s really difficult to stop. I struggle to pause.

    So, what I’m going to start trying is, to set an alarm on my phone, for every two hours, and then when it goes off, to stop. To stop, take a breath, get up if I’ve been sitting for two hours (because we all work mostly on our computers now), and just re-group and re-organise my thought with regards to what I’m busy doing.

    Honestly, sometimes I feel like Alice in Wonderland just falling down into the abyss of who-knows-what!

    So, if you’re up for the challenge, join me this week as we re-group and re-focus every two hours. It’s just for five days. And then, hopefully, we will naturally start checking in on ourselves.

    You can follow me, for this challenge, on Instagram @mom_life_moments

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    Continue reading → When you get caught up in the business of the day, it is often very difficult to switch off. Yes, I know it’s only Monday, but I really am a strong advocate for taking short breaks during the day. The problem, for me (I’m sure that no-one else struggles with this), is that once I ...
  • 20 June 20 June

    Today was so full. So many things to do and honestly I just feel exhausted. There are so many thoughts running through my mind, all of them pushing for first place. Honestly, I just want to cancel the race. But, that’s going to happen.

    So, with my planner next to me, I sit down to write. Thoughts that come up, go into the planner (cause let’s face it, most of the thoughts in a mom’s mind revolves around to-do lists, right?).

    Tomorrow is Father’s day, and I actually just want to rest, stay in bed the whole day and watch movies. Remember the times when you could do that? That the only interruption was to get more snacks or go to the bathroom? I miss those moments of those days…

    Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE being a wife and a mom. But, there are those days when the day-to-day chores of it all just gets to me. When I just want to take a break and not worry about anyone but me.

    If you’re reading this and thinking how selfish I am, I’m really sorry. I’m just trying to be honest. I’m sure there are those of you who can relate. This momma can do with a 10 day break / holiday on my own šŸ™‚

    As always, thanks for reading and checking in. Let me know what you do when you absolutely need a time-out!

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    Continue reading → Today was so full. So many things to do and honestly I just feel exhausted. There are so many thoughts running through my mind, all of them pushing for first place. Honestly, I just want to cancel the race. But, that’s going to happen. So, with my planner next to me, I ...
  • 09 May 2020 09 May 2020

    Lots of work done today. Very frustrating computer day, because so many things were deleted and I had to re-type everything. It is really VERY frustrating if you have to redo something you have already done….There’s no time for that!

    Apart from that, it was a generally okay day. We received new technical equipment to assist us with our jobs, and I’m excited to get started on that. Other than all of that, they day actually passed by swiftly.

    Another 40 minute walk logged, and I’m so excited to be exercising again. It really does help to clear my head, get me fit, and it’s a great feeling to start re-connecting with my body again. It’s the strangest thing to explain, but those of you who know what I’m talking about, will also know how terrible it is to live without that connection. Am I making sense? Anyway.

    I’m so grateful that tomorrow is Sunday, because that’s my off day! Absolutely NO work. Whatever is not done, will have to wait for Monday (which reminds me that I have to schedule three meetings!) Alright, that’s it from me. I hope you have a lovely Mother’s Day. Look out for my post on “What’s a Mother”, coming to you on Monday.

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    Continue reading → Lots of work done today. Very frustrating computer day, because so many things were deleted and I had to re-type everything. It is really VERY frustrating if you have to redo something you have already done….There’s no time for that! Apart from that, it was a generally okay day. We received new technical ...
  • 08 May 2020 08 May 2020

    What a day. So full, I can hardly remember anything I did or said. The only thing that is vividly clear is that I sat in front of this screen for almost six to seven hours. Working.

    Assignment is done. My brain feels fried. I had soup for dinner. I love my kids. I have such a great husband helping out with the kids and the household when I’m totally flooded with work.

    But, it is Friday. I can relax a little bit tomorrow, and sneak in work sessions when my kids are watching TV. (Too much of that this week!)

    This week was really, really full. And, it’s not over yet. I still have a lot of preparations that need to be completed for Monday’s schedule. So many ideas, and so much work to pull it off successfully. However, I’m so grateful for the opportunity to try and encourage young minds to explore the possibility of a hopeful future. To teach and to mould. To uplift and to challenge.

    And then, there are also my two toddlers. I love to see how they discover the world. I love to rediscover the simple joys of life and to celebrate it to the fullest. What a privileged honour.

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    Continue reading → What a day. So full, I can hardly remember anything I did or said. The only thing that is vividly clear is that I sat in front of this screen for almost six to seven hours. Working. Assignment is done. My brain feels fried. I had soup for dinner. I ...
  • 07 May 2020 07 May 2020

    New day, new beginning. Get up, try again, and just take it one step at a time. Make wise decisions, and do that which you have postponed for the last week – ironing…

    With a fresh cup of coffee, I stood at the kitchen counter this morning and just tried to wrap my head around what needs to be done today. Yesterday is gone, I’ve put it in the past, and, today I’m going to try again. I treasured that silent moment before the rush started again.

    And, at the end of this day, I can be quiet, in mind and spirit, and know that today, I have given my best. I might not have satisfied everyone’s wants and needs, but I tried my best.

    My assignment is still not completed, but I have a very good idea of where it needs to go, have resources lined up, and have actually started to put rough ideas on paper. I didn’t miss my meetings today. I sat on the couch with my daughter while she played games. I talked to a friend.

    All-in-all, a hundred percent better than the rest of my days in this past week. Up and down we go…and today I was half-way.

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    Continue reading → New day, new beginning. Get up, try again, and just take it one step at a time. Make wise decisions, and do that which you have postponed for the last week – ironing… With a fresh cup of coffee, I stood at the kitchen counter this morning and just tried to wrap my head around ...
  • 06 May 2020 06 May 2020

    What do you do when the walls start closing in on you? And, there is nowhere else to go? How do you catch your breath during a day overloaded with house chores, kids, work, washing and ironing piling up, constant demands from at least five sides?

    Today, I don’t know.

    I don’t know how to satisfy everyone, without letting someone else down. I don’t know how to split myself in five and still keep my sanity. I don’t know what to give you for another snack, although you had one an hour ago. I don’t know how to do the dishes and write an assignment at the same time. I don’t know how to do video recordings for my lessons, during the day, when my kids just want to sit on my lap – at the same time. I don’t know how to be a teacher to my four-year-old, without missing an important work meeting.

    I just don’t know.

    Some days I’m fine with letting things slide. Today, I was not. Today it hit me that I was just one person, I cannot be split in five, and I really didn’t like it. Today, I needed to be five people, but there is no way that that is ever going to happen.

    I know the truth and that everything is going to be okay. But, just for today, everything was not okay.

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    Continue reading → What do you do when the walls start closing in on you? And, there is nowhere else to go? How do you catch your breath during a day overloaded with house chores, kids, work, washing and ironing piling up, constant demands from at least five sides? Today, I don’t know. I don’t know ...
  • 30 April 2020 30 April 2020

    Day 100 000 000 of lockdown….it feels like.

    Level 4 lockdown starts tomorrow, Friday the 1st of May. There’s a long document with all the stipulations of how exactly things will work and change. What I understand of it, is that I can go for a run outside my gate.

    I use to run-walk, probably about three years ago, but in this last week alone I’ve run-walked more than 20km. That’s a lot for me….who haven’t ran in over two years. It’s given me a space to think and process and it’s also been a very physical tool to draw my attention and feelings and emotions and physical awareness, back to that very point of existence. In short, it has grounded me to the present…which is something I really need in my life right now.

    It’s also been a fun activity for my kids. They sit on the steps eating Otees while cheering me on. Then, they get up, run a few laps with me, play catch, sit back down and look at me. I love that they learn to be active through playing.

    So, getting back to today. Today has been a day of work, and play, lots of tears as we realise how much we miss our friends and normality of daily life as we know it. It’s been a day of catching up with colleagues, working some more, building puzzles, running outside, listening to how the next phase of my job will be implemented, playing cards, some more tears, cooking butternut soup, super chicken wraps for supper, kids falling asleep before bath-time, a movie, and reflection. All in all a very full and emotionally draining day. But, it has been wonderful.

    I get to live and breathe through emotions and thoughts that are not always happy. I get to hold my girls while they are crying, I get to process so many things, and more and more I get to realise how reliant I am on God. This season is really hard, really draining, really deep, but I’m starting to feel a hint of His peace in this tumble dryer spin. I am thankful for His nearness in my weakness…

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    Continue reading → Day 100 000 000 of lockdown….it feels like. Level 4 lockdown starts tomorrow, Friday the 1st of May. There’s a long document with all the stipulations of how exactly things will work and change. What I understand of it, is that I can go for a run outside my gate. I use to run-walk, probably ...
  • 29 April 2020 29 April 2020

    Today was such a full and heavy day. I guess I’m just carrying some of the heaviness of the situation we find ourselves in. And, somehow, I’m trying to make sense of it all. But, I guess that is exactly the problem. This is not something I can figure out, something I can fix. There is nothing I can DO to MOVE forward. And, being a mover and a doer, this is a great strain.

    However, I have realised that there are a couple of inner turmoils that I have to deal with and resolve. Moving into the deeper parts of who I am, will ultimately bring peace. A peace that transcends all understanding of who…I…am.

    The ever changing journey of who we are and who we become, in the reality of everyday life, has always been the most intriguing journey of all. I have always been very aware of this journey to self, how it is influenced, how it is shaped. So, during this time of lockdown, I have time to look a little deeper, find the things that are chasing me (mostly my own expectations of who I am suppose to be!), and deal with it.

    It’s hard mental and emotional work. It’s difficult to explain the process to those around you. Yet, I truly belief that I have been given this time of grace, to face myself…

    May you become aware of this time of grace you have been granted, too.

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    Continue reading → Today was such a full and heavy day. I guess I’m just carrying some of the heaviness of the situation we find ourselves in. And, somehow, I’m trying to make sense of it all. But, I guess that is exactly the problem. This is not something I can figure out, something ...
  • 28 April 2020 28 April 2020

    Today I feel quite melancholy. Nothing specific happened, and I am reluctant to say that I “just woke up that way”. However, it is a true emotion and it has an influence on everything I do. And, especially, on everything I say – to my kids…

    So, where does this come from. Well, I haven’t had time to truly reflect on it, in depth yet. But, what I can say is that it is a real feeling, one that needs to be understood and unpacked. And then, I just have to let go of it.

    I think there are so many things in life that changes, and, especially now, there are so many uncertainties. People have so many opinions about everything, and truth be known, we will never know for sure how all of this will be resolved or play out. COVID-19 has changed all of our lives, forever.

    Hence, there is a process of grief that I believe we all need to go through. To leave behind that which we have known as “normal”, to embrace where we are now, and to prepare and look forward to the “new normal” – whatever that may be. I think this day is a day of grief for the unknown, for the countless people whom have lost their jobs, who are ill, who are hungry, who are sad, who are heart-broken. Today is a day to acknowledge loss, and pain, and uncertainty. Not to dwell on it, but to feel through it and eventually to give it over to the One who carries all our burdens and who have already overcome this world…

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    Continue reading → Today I feel quite melancholy. Nothing specific happened, and I am reluctant to say that I “just woke up that way”. However, it is a true emotion and it has an influence on everything I do. And, especially, on everything I say – to my kids… So, where does this come from. ...